you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm passing your future prison.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
