Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Every concussion has its silver lining
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
