Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
