I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
