you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
sarcasm needs its own font
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
