just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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