Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
