I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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