I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
