She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
