her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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