i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
