so that wasnt chicken after all
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
