a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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