so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
