Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
