Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
