Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
