I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
