Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
