Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
