did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
