dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
