omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize