You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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