i think my tv is drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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