ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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