I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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