Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
