Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Farmville is her only friend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
