I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
