Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
