seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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