Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
