dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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