hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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