i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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