It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
