It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
