When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
