My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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