I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
