I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
