i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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