Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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