You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
