I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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