You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
