someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize