Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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