yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
