i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
