Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
