Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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