if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
