Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
