So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
