I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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