This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
