just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
