I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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