u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
