Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
