Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
