1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
