If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize