i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
